Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘cuss words’

My seven-year old daughter sees a counselor at school. She’s got a lot going on in that wee brain of hers, and I encouraged her to go to help sort out the whole mess that is the divorce, dad, and life in general.

She loves this counselor and so do I. This counselor rocks the child play therapy world.

Yesterday when the young lassie came from school she had a card for me. ‘You made me a card?!’ I gasped and placed my hand to my chest preparing to cry.

There’s nothing like it in the world, when a child puts time and energy onto paper for a parent. This is truly one of the joys of being a parent.

‘Yes. I made it when I went to see Laurel. I said the words, she wrote them down. This picture here is of you and I holding hands.’

This was gonna be good. I felt the need to read it out loud so I could listen to the praises my daughter wrote.

‘Mom, this is something important I want you to know.’ Oh, a deep card.

‘You swear a lot. I don’t want to hear those words. Please try to use pretend words, not real words.’

Wha- the hell is this? I read on, but not nearly as excited as I started out.

‘My teacher said we could say funny words instead, like ‘OH, BARNACLE BILL!’

Barnacle Bill? Really? Somehow, that doesn’t seem to have the same impact as a few other choice words I can think of.

I’ve known for a long time that I swear like a sailor. Even my mom told me once, ‘you swear a lot.’ I looked at her and said, ‘Gee, I can’t even imagine where I might have learned that.’

She gasped, ‘well, not from ME, you didn’t.’

‘Mom,’ I laughed, ‘you used to play a card game where you would yell BULLSHIT at the other players. That was the actual name of the card game.’

I’ve tried toning it down around the kids. I used to be able to do that around my parents and I’m still pretty good at it, but every now and then the F bomb gets dropped around them.

My kids, on the other hand, well, I just can’t seem to control it around them. My husband can turn it off completely around the kids. Even in the worst situations. The other night he stubbed his toe in our bedroom and muffled the F bomb. My son turned to me as we sat in the front room and said, ‘I think you’ve taught Dave how to swear.  I just heard him swear. He is picking it up from you.’

Damn. Everybody is getting down on the white girl.

The thing is, most of the time when the words come rolling off the tongue it’s because I’m pissed and it’s usually the kids that have thrown me down that road. I figure it’s either that or roll heads and I don’t think I’d do well in jail.

I start off pretty cool in situations, and can stay cool for a bit. But there ain’t nothin’ that can get on the nerve of a parent quicker than two kids going at it.

‘We don’t hit in this house. Don’t call her stupid. Don’t tell him to shut up. Whose socks are these? Who didn’t flush the toilet after pooing. AGAIN. Why is this here? Whose crap is this? Don’t shove her. What did I say about doing that to your brother? PUT THAT DOWN! What the….?’

THAT’S IT. EVERYONE TO YOUR FUCKING ROOMS!

*sigh*

So, now I’m doing my best to curb my swearing. It’s hard when it packs such a punch. The kids know it’s about to go down when I bring out the inner mommy-bitch. They scatter. They snap out of their snottiness for the moment and get it together for a bit.

What’s a mom to do? What’s your way of keeping it together without swearing? I don’t want my kids, when they are grown and in therapy, to say, ‘The thing I remember most about childhood is how much mom used to swear. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have such dysfunction in my life now if my mom didn’t swear when I was a kid.’

I’ve already given them enough reasons to need therapy for the next twenty years, I don’t want them to have that one too.

My friend used to use other words like, ‘Fetch’.  My opinion is, if the intention is behind the word then just say the damned thing. Otherwise, if you are aching to say the actual word and you use an alternative, all these swear words will get bottled up and eventually we get turrets, and profanity will spew forth at the most inopportune times. Such as, in front of your ultra right winged fundamentalist Christian mother in law. Just a guess.
But I’ll give it a go. Why the hell not, right? Oh, oops, shit. D’oh, Damn! DAMMIT!

*sigh*

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: