Posts Tagged ‘personal growth’

There is a saying from the late, great Stephen Covey that goes, ‘The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.’

Tricky to understand yes. Even trickier to follow through with for two reasons. (more…)


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From Wikipedia: “Saint John of the Cross’ poem narrates the journey of the soul from its bodily home to its union with God. The journey is called “The Dark Night”, because darkness represents the hardships and difficulties the soul meets in detachment from the world and reaching the light of the union with the Creator.”

While I haven’t had the ultimate journey to my Creator yet, I feel we can certainly have our own ‘dark night’ here on earth.

It’s funny, how we say, ‘that dark night’ when, usually, its several nights. Perhaps months or even years. Dark times sometimes befall us and it just lingers for a while. Sometimes we learn the lessons presented to us, sometimes we suffer over and over from them.

I had my dark nights over and over while going through my divorce. My divorce and custody battles lasted four years. Even now, I’m still not sure what the ex may have up his sleeve.

Reading court papers about you can be extremely hard on the emotions. When my friend went through her divorce, I was able to look at her court docs from a detached view and help her, logically, and without much emotion. Looking at my papers, even now, gets my heart racing and my palms sweaty.

During the process, I had a lot of supporters. People who knew what I had been through, and was going through, were there for me. I vented to them, talked things out with them, and tried to strategize using their knowledge, wisdom, and experience.

With all their support, love, and input it still came down to this; I was all alone in my head. I could not escape myself or the committee. I could not escape the experience I was going through and no matter how many people were ‘around’ me, I was walking through this experience alone. There was no pinch hitter to step in for me. It was my experience and it was stifling how alone I felt.

These were my dark nights, when the thought of walking through the experience paralyzed me with sadness, fear, anger, and other emotions I can’t even put words to. These were the nights that dropped me to my knees begging God to hold my hand and bathe me in Its love.

Recently, my friend and her husband discovered he has pancreatic cancer. He’s 42 with three children, the youngest being just four years old.

They are in the thick of it, too. He was diagnosed and they immediately operated, placed the port, and started chemo and radiation. His chemo side affects are typical; loss of appetite, weight loss, sores in the mouth, intestinal distress, and so on.

The thought of her losing her husband, the love of her life is heart stopping for my friend. And when I last spoke with her, the dark nights were rolling in one after another for her.

With me, she knows she can say anything and it doesn’t bother me. She can cry, yell, get angry, scream, whatever and I quietly sit and give her the sacred space to do that without any reservation or judgement.

Interestingly enough, she said exactly what I had experienced while going through the divorce; no matter how many people stop by, send cards, call, email, or pray, her experience of this must be done alone. And it’s terrifying and it pisses her off.

For most, we don’t know how to walk through it. It’s like walking a tight rope with nowhere to land should we fall off, or lose our grip on the situation. It’s the release of ego and, ultimately, release of control. Terrifying for most.

Eventually, I came to a point where I had to make my life all about, ‘one day at a time’. If necessary, it became one hour at a time, one minute, one second. And if I could make it that one hour, I figured I could probably make it another hour.

My friend is figuring this out as well. Some moments all we can do is promise ourself, ‘ok, I’m just going to do my best to get through this minute and then we’ll take it from there.’

There is no thinking about the minute or hour or day to come. We can only take on that moment at hand. Otherwise, it we suffocate. It teaches us, truly, how to live in the moment, lest we go mad with the thoughts that come flooding into our head.

It is one of the greatest lessons I took away from that disaster that was my marriage and subsequent divorce. It is the one lesson I am able to fall on when things come crashing down around me. It is what I grabbed on to in desperation during all those dark nights. It was in this space that I was able to meet the quiet compassion and strength of my Creator and develop a relationship with that energy.

I know my friend and her husband aren’t quite there to closing this chapter on their lives but as they move through the process, I can see my friend learning the necessity of just getting through the moment. I watch and think, ‘isn’t it amazing how differently we learn the same lesson.’

And in that, I can find the beauty within all the pain.

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As promised, here’s the 2nd video. Did you watch the first one yet? What did you think? I love when she asks about the Wiggles. Like I don’t know the Wiggles. Psshh.

This one is a bit longer, but Soooooo worth it. Your heart will get all gooey and squishy because you’ll ‘get it’. I’ve watched it several times and catch something new every time.

Validating others is like the old saying of chopping your own wood. It warms you twice, once when you cut it, and once when you burn it.

Validating (or edifying) others is the same way to me. I know they are receiving, whether they acknowledge it or not. Speaking good to and of someone is always awsomeness to the other person. It also feels good to do. We are so bombarded by negativity, the ‘sarcastic’ comments that really have a deeper dig than we realize, that when someone speaks highly of and to someone, and really validates them, people catch it.

Turn to whoever is closest and throw down a compliment. Validate them. I’m not kidding, it will totally change their day, your day, and shift the energy.

I’ve tried this with people I’m a bit prickly with (ex husband, ex in-laws, etc. There is a reason they are the exes). People I normally want to pinch so hard they cry. As much as I want to be far away from these people, I have to interact with them, so I do my best to do the opposite. I validate them. If there is a compliment I can genuinely give, I do. It changes the energy.

I’m not just kissing their ass. I’m not up for that. But I will throw down a genuine compliment or validate what they are saying.

It’s called being grown up.

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Google Earth Alphabet

I figured since the kiddies are moving back into school, this would be a good time to go over a refresher course on the alphabet. Question: How many of you can recite the alphabet without singing the song?

ok, focus…focus…. this is probably gonna be a different version than what you learned at such a tender young age.

Perhaps this is what needs be in all the classrooms around the nation and at home for the homeschoolers, just as more gentle positive reminders.

As always, bring on the comments. Yes, I know the word ‘accelerate’ doesn’t start with the letter X but it’s the letter X for Pete’s sake. Feel free to come up with a better one and post it below.

Remember Your ABCs:
by Wanda Carter

A -void negative sources, people, things and habits.

B -elieve in yourself.

C -onsider things from every angle.

D -on’t give up and don’t give in.

E -njoy life today: yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.

F -amily and Friends are hidden treasures. Seek them and enjoy their riches.

G -ive more than you planned to give.

H -ang on to your dreams.

I -gnore those who try to discourage you.

J -ust do it!

K -eep on trying, no matter how hard it seems. It will get better.

L -ove yourself first and foremost.

M -ake it happen.

N -ever lie, cheat, or steal. Always strike a fair deal.

O -pen your eyes and see things as they really are.

P -ractice makes perfect.

Q -uitters never win and winners never quit.

R -ead, study and learn about everything important in your life.

S -top procrastinating.

T -ake control of your own destiny.

U -nderstand yourself in order to better understand others.

V -isualize it.

W -ant it more than anything.

X -ccelerate your efforts.

Y -ou are unique of all of Nature’s creations. Nothing can replace you.

Z -ero in on your target, and go for it!!

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